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by tinygarbagetrucks
Summary: Eridan waits for his date and Sollux goes up to him. Sollux is also surrounded by girls. Also, there's Karkat and Dave. If this seems like erisol to you then, ok. Some of them are drunk. I gave myself cancer writing this. T 'cause swearing. I'm not actually sure this counts as humor.


**summ notes; i skipped parts of act 5 the first time i read it cuz act 5 was boring, and re read the important parts (aka the parts that i needed to read) just so i could understand it a little more ;) so if anything in the fic is inaccurate, well its all my fault for not reading act 5 correctly, haha. oh and, humanstuck.**

"Blah, blah blah flirt, brag, flirt, blah," blahed Sollux.

"Giggle, giggle, compliment," giggled his harem (which was Aradia, Feferi, and other girls).

Sollux was walking out of a bar with his drunk and horny harem, both hands on Aradia's and Feferi's shoulders on each side. The other girls crowded around him, giggling and flirting. Sollux toyed with the girls, until he saw a familiar face. Eridan.

There he was, sitting on a bench, left arm relaxed on the armrest, one arm and hand holding his phone in front of him. Eridan wasn't wearing his cape. He seemed to be texting someone, and didn't seem to notice that Sollux was staring at him, right in front of him.

"What the fuck are you doing here, fithboi?" questioned Sollux.

Eridan looked up from his phone, and saw a dude wearing red and blue glasses, surrounded by a bunch of blushing girls. Trying to stay calm, "Fithboi" stated, "...W-waiting for my date."

Well, that stung Sollux's heart. But, Sollux ignored it by thinking it was when Feferi grabbed his butt. Which, happened just now. "Oh? I didn't know thomeone like you would ever get a partner. With your obnoxith whining and all." Sollux smirked.

"W-well, maybe I stopped w-whining and acting like a bitch. Sol, do me a favvor and go aw-way. Just your presence makes me w-want to puke."

That stung Sollux's heart even more. He grimaced, he couldn't ignore it. Now he was sweating, almost as much as Equius, who is currently being STRONG and lifting Nepeta to the store. I don't know why.

"HAaaaaaY, Soollluuxxx~, *hic* I feel exxtraaa BUBBLYYYY- ohai Eridan!" Feferi lazily said.

Eridan simply stared at her. He kind of missed hanging out with her and texting her, and he absolutely hated how she was grabbing the person he hates the most. Look at the guy, all smug and covered in bitches. Eridan never knew why having so many broads glued to you would make someone happy. He preferred having a nice dinner with one person would be enough to make somebody happy. Why is he so popular anyway? Eridan sent his date a text message, stood up, then walked to the big, fresh, tree in the park, scarf floating through the cold breeze. He sat down. Sollux walked to where he was, ignoring what he had said a few seconds ago.

Meanwhile, Karkat (yes ofc hell be eridans date lol ye, why not) was walking down the sidewalk to the park, when he noticed that he got a new text message on Kik or some stupid app or something, cuz he human. He pulled out his phone, and Eridan was talking about some drunk Sollux with drunk women or some stupid shit that doesn't matter at all. While he was reading the text, he was also walking. The sidewalk was straight, all the way, so it was safe, until he bumped into a certain somebody.

"HOLY SHIT! Watch whe-... Dave?" cried Karkat.

"Yo, Karkat, didn't think I'd see you here. Was about to go to John's house, but you could come along too."

"Actually fuckass, I'm on a date. What am I saying, even if I weren't on a date, I wouldn't be wasting my time doing your stupid raps, etc. with fucking Egbert."

Karkat was near the park, and he looked over Dave's shoulders (which are big for some reason) and saw a sitting douche wearing a scarf bicker with a standing skinny guy surrounding by a bunch of hoes. Now Karkat is wondering what Eridan does all day. "Now, move over, you insufferable prick."

"Nah."

Dave then stepped closer to Karkat's face and had a bloody make-out session with him. I'm not going to out details int that. Now, moving on, "HOLY HELL, SOL, IS IT THAT HARD TO W-WALK AW-WAY!?" exclaimed Eridan.

"THAY THAT TO YOURTHELF, YOU LONETHOME PRICK!" shouted Sollux.

"ohmagurdgaisplssstopp," slurred one of his bitches, "immaa hornyyy and i need tha sollux dick naoow~!"

Sollux's hoes just stood there and said some shit, waiting to go to his house. To them, Eridan was a major cockblock. One of them barfed. One of them giggled. One of them made a really, really, really, REALLY, bad fish pun. The rest fiddled with their boobs while leaning on Sollux. Eridan looked to the right, and saw Karkat and Dave kissing each other all over. Great, now his date is ruined. At least Karkat scored. At least he can go home now, he was in a bad mood because of Sollux anyway. Standing up once again, he walked toward home, when suddenly, a hand grabbed his arm.

"Fithdick don't you have a date?" said the hand.

"W-well, he couldn't make it." said the arm.

"...He? Pfft... Wow, Ampora, you're gay? Pfft, GAYYYYYYYY!" Solllux yelled loudly. "If you're gay, wanna get glued to me?"

"W-what?"

"Y'know, get attracted to me. Don't worry, you'll get as much attention as these women." Sollux smirked.

Eridan looked very confused and blushed a little. If he says yes, he would be treated like a toy, and get fucked by the person he hates the most. If he says no, he WON'T get toyed with, and WON'T get fucked by the person he hates the most. So, Eridan says:

"Fuck no, you douchebag. I feel like your ego has grow-wn ever since you've got bitches running up to your dick."

It was the most logical thing to say, after all. Would you want to go through what Eridan would've experienced if he would've said yes? If you do, I'm assuming that you are a crazy fangirl. If not, then you are a very sane person.

"Ithin't it better than your lonely virgin life?" asked Sollux. (dont forget, hes being a drunk retard but isnt slurring his words)

"W-what's wrong with you Sol? W-why do you keep bringing up my sex life?"

"Cuth, I love you."

"wat." said, Eridan, completely forgetting his way of speaking because he is so very shocked at what his ears are putting into his mind right now.

"I love you. I want to hug you, I want to kith you, I want to be with you, I want to live with you, I want to thower with you, I want to thleep with you, I want to marry you, I want you, all curled up in my armth." Sollux

As the bitches heard Sollux's speech, they took out their phones and recorded the moment to listen to daily because apparently, they're all fujoshis. yay. They also walked away because it's been too long, and they're not horny anymore. I'm pretty sure that's how the human body works.

Eridan is _shook_. Eridan is surprised. Eridan is very shocked. Eridan is screaming inside. Eridan, is blushing hard. Eridan looks to the right and STILL sees Dave and Karkat making out. Why they didn't go to his or his house yet is a mystery. Eridan looks up to Sollux. He was blushing, and looked like he was about to cry. He stared... and out of his mouth went the words, "W-what."

erisolsprite: wwhat the fuck.

 **wow i suck at writing fanfiction. oh well, im satisfed.**


End file.
